


fight or flight

by krucxa



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Don't Examine This Too Closely, M/M, Miscommunication, Rivals to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, kind of a college au except its barely even mentioned, obviously, they're both dumbasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krucxa/pseuds/krucxa
Summary: Sunwoo isn't even sure when this weird rivalry between him and Eric started.
Relationships: Kim Sunwoo/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 9
Kudos: 95





	fight or flight

**Author's Note:**

> hello! first of all, i started writing this a while ago and it was originally supposed to be a knk fic, so if any of the boys feel a bit ooc, then that's why dkskdfldk but i hope that this will be a nice read anyway!
> 
> also, i didn't proofread some parts of this yet, so i'm sorry if there are any typos!!

Sunwoo isn't sure when it started.

If he were to stop everything and try to point out the exact moment he thinks it all began, he wouldn't come up with anything, he'd simply shrug and dismiss it. After all, is it really that important? Eric and him weren't ever close, so it's not like that part changed too much.

Somehow, ignoring the other turned to jealous stares, then bitter remarks, until actual fights between them became a regular sight. It never got physical though, apart from maybe shoving each other away once or twice. So technically speaking, their relationship still _could_ be worse; not to say that it's ideal, but… it's not _the worst_. Probably.

Sunwoo doesn't really know _why_ this weird rivalry exists, either. He didn't exactly have a great first impression of Eric, yeah, but neither was it terrible. The boy might have rubbed him the wrong way, but not enough for Sunwoo to straight up hate his guts; and, well, yes, Sunwoo is aware that he can get a bit competitive, but it was never so extreme as it is with Eric. So, why?

No matter how long Sunwoo ponders, he can't come up with an actual answer.

Before he spirals down that confusing train of thought, he's distracted by the strong smell of coffee. It takes him a second to process what he's seeing as Chanhee places a cup right in front of him, invading his vision (and personal space, at that) with no preamble. He sniffs, staring blankly at the drink, then pulls a face, earning himself a light flick from the older.

"I bought it for you," Chanhee mutters as he takes a seat on the other side of the table. There's something different about him today, but Sunwoo couldn't specify it to save his life, "be grateful."

Sunwoo eyes the cup suspiciously, then glances at Chanhee. Other than the aforementioned drink, he came empty handed; Sunwoo doesn't have to think too much to know what that means. Rolling his eyes, he pushes the coffee forward until it's out of his reach and right before Chanhee instead, "no you didn't."

Chanhee shrugs but doesn't argue more, opting to take a sip like he hasn't just tried to bribe Sunwoo with coffee that wasn't even for him in the first place. Bribe, for what? So far it's unclear, but Sunwoo is sure it's going to come up soon.

Sunwoo doesn't even recall telling the other his location, but then, Chanhee in general seems to know a lot more than he lets on— _I may be dumb, but I'm not oblivious_ , was the only explanation Sunwoo ever got out of him—so maybe he just has his ways of knowing. Sunwoo would bet on blackmail, if only he wasn't too scared to ask again.

Chanhee puts the cup back down, the sound of it clicking against the wooden table almost lost in the steady chatter of the shopping centre. The action still catches Sunwoo's attention anyway, and he quirks an eyebrow at Chanhee. The latter seems conflicted about whatever he's about to say, and he nibbles on his lip before asking, "are you here because of Eric?"

Sunwoo scoffs. He can't help it—lately, Chanhee's been showing a suspicious amount of interest regarding his interactions with Eric. Maybe it wouldn't be as shady if he didn't get along with the brat, but alas, he went behind Sunwoo's back and befriended the _enemy_ years ago; Sunwoo still isn't over the betrayal, "as if. Why, is he here too?"

Chanhee considers him quietly from behind the edge of the cup. Recognizing the expression he's making, Sunwoo hastily adds, "it's not like I care—don't get the wrong idea."

Chanhee's eyebrows ride up. Sunwoo doesn't like the way he's staring at him, so he only glares at Chanhee until the other finally averts his eyes, "sure. If you say so," he murmurs, but doesn't give Sunwoo any time to reply before speaking up again, "is it because of Changmin, then?"

Sunwoo… well, he doesn't have a reply to that. So he shuts his mouth, dropping his gaze to the table in stubborn silence, which Chanhee seems to take as a confirmation; he leans back in his seat with a heavy sigh, as if Sunwoo did something extremely disappointing. Honestly, he could tune down the dramatics a little bit. Sunwoo would really appreciate it if he did.

"You're hopeless."

Sunwoo's head snaps up, ready to object, but then something seems to snatch Chanhee's attention; he looks off to the side, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows before his eyes widen and he points at something behind Sunwoo, "wait, isn't that them?"

It's all that gets Sunwoo to turn around, eyes searching frantically through the crowd. The moment he finds what Chanhee's talking about, he huffs out a shallow breath. It's Changmin, it's _him_ , but—why is he with Eric?

Glancing back at Chanhee, he raises a hand to hide his face in case either of the two were to look in their direction. If Changmin was alone, Sunwoo would gladly walk up to him and start a conversation, but in this case, getting recognized is the last thing he would want to happen, "out of all people—why are they _together_?" he groans, stealing another glimpse at the duo.

They're walking in the opposite direction from Sunwoo, and he's pretty sure he can see Eric holding some bags—are they Changmin's? Is Eric helping him carry them? How irritating. Sunwoo could do that too. He could definitely do it _better_ than Eric, at that. Why is Eric doing it then? It's ridiculous.

He doesn't have to see it to know that Chanhee is rolling his eyes; it's easy to say just by the tone of his voice when he replies, "yeah, how scandalous, two friends hanging out."

Sunwoo scowls, "you know damn well that's not the case."

When he looks up again, Chanhee's doing that thing again—pulling this sulky face like he's greatly disappointed by Sunwoo and doesn't even have the words to convey his dissatisfaction. Frankly, Sunwoo is a bit impressed that he's got a whole facial expression reserved just for that.

"What I _do_ know, is that Changmin went out to buy a gift for a friend, and Eric offered to help him. You would know this too, if you cared enough to ask."

Sunwoo… doesn't think he's ever heard Chanhee sound so snide, not towards him at least. Maybe Sunwoo went a little overboard this time. He winces, imagining how rude he must sound from Chanhee's point of view—he _is_ friends with Eric, after all. Even if Sunwoo doesn't like the fact, he should respect Chanhee's choice. Even if it's questionable.

"Sorry," he says, and all Chanhee does in reply is nod. At least he accepted the apology. Sunwoo's glad for that.

There's still one problem though—the duo. Hanging out. It's bothering him. Sunwoo never liked seeing Eric act friendly with Changmin, and that fact probably isn't going to change any time soon. Not that he's jealous, of course not, he just… has a bad feeling about it. That's all. Yeah.

Twisting in his seat, he wishes he was close enough to hear whatever they're talking about. There's a smile on his face when he bumps Eric's arm and Sunwoo tries to ignore the ugly feeling blooming in his chest.

It doesn't work.

He continues to watch them until the two slip into one of the stores. He doesn't even realize he's frowning until Chanhee points it out, and it takes a great deal of self control for him to look neutral again. Then an idea strikes him, and he turns to Chanhee with a smirk that the other eyes warily.

"Are you up for some detective work?"

Chanhee only blinks back at him. After a moment of confused silence, his eyebrows crease, "what—"

But Sunwoo doesn't let him finish. Rising from his seat, he throws another long look at the store their friends (Sunwoo shudders at the word) disappeared to, just to make sure he knows which one it is, then beckons Chanhee to follow him. He knows for a fact that the other is done with his antics, but he hears the drag of a chair against the floor when Chanhee stands up; even though Chanhee complains, he always goes along with Sunwoo's stupid ideas. How respectable of him.

As expected, the mall is crowded—because why wouldn't it be—but for the first time ever, Sunwoo is glad for it, as it makes his plan easier. If there's so many people around, there's a smaller chance of getting spotted. Following after the duo and entering the shop would be too risky, though, so Sunwoo shoots the idea down and settles for crouching by the window and peeking inside the store.

It takes him a moment to notice that Chanhee doesn't follow suit, so he raises his head, almost immediately meeting the other's judgemental stare; Sunwoo doesn't hesitate before frowning right back at him.

"What are you _doing_?" Chanhee hisses. He's standing close enough that Sunwoo easily catches the words, but it also means he has to tip his head even higher up at an awkward angle to look Chanhee in the eyes.

Out of context, they must look ridiculous to all the other customers, but Sunwoo has lost most of his dignity long ago so he doesn't really care. Scowling even further, he gestures for the other to join him, but Chanhee only makes a repelled face.

"You do realize we're in public, right?" he prompts again. He's still holding that stupid coffee cup, swaying it towards Sunwoo as if he's pointing out his entire being and not just the way he's acting (ouch?); Sunwoo doesn't verbally reply, but he repeats his gesture, and even though Chanhee looks far from pleased, he finally lowers to a crouch next to him.

"Look," Sunwoo says, nodding towards the inside of the shop, and Chanhee's gaze follows the movement before snapping to what the former is pointing at, "here they are."

Sunwoo curses the fact that the duo stand with their backs facing them, making it impossible to spot what may have caught their attention. With the bags from before momentarily placed on the floor, Eric bends down the slightest bit and seems to pick something up. Immediately after, he turns towards the older as if showing the mystery object to him, but then shrugs and places it back down after Changmin shakes his head.

They're here to buy a gift, huh? But Sunwoo can't think of any upcoming holiday or a friend's birthday—so why are they looking for a gift in the first place? It has to be someone that Eric knows, too, otherwise he wouldn't tag along. As far as Sunwoo knows, none of this makes sense.

Sure, he could ask Chanhee; but that would be like admitting defeat. It would ruin all the fun. He'd rather find it out by himself, or wait until the gift gets into the subject's hands.

He watches as the two continue to chat, Eric picking their bags back up, but then something seems to catch his eye; he points at what Sunwoo can't see from his spot, but this time, when he turns to face Changmin, there's a wide smile on his face.

Now, usually, Sunwoo would immediately zero in on Changmin's reaction—he's a whipped fool and he knows it, okay—but there's something about that grin that stops him from doing so. He couldn't even explain why, he just can't tear his eyes away from the sight. It feels like a punch to the chest that it takes him way too long to recover from, and by the time he finally does so, they have already left his field of vision.

Whatever this weird feeling may mean, it couldn't possibly be good. Right? It's Eric. Maybe it's just his body's questionable way of saying he's disgusted—ah, yes, surely, that must be it.

"I don't like this," Sunwoo mutters, getting to his feet, "I'm gonna break Eric's kneecaps."

Before he gets to actually fulfill the statement, though, Chanhee grabs him by the arm and pulls him back down, hard. Sunwoo wobbles, but quickly regains his footing, and turns to send Chanhee a glare, but finds the other already scowling back at him.

" _Don't._ "

"Christ, fine. Whatever," stealing another glance inside the store, he ponders only for so long before deciding he's seen enough. His mood has already been ruined, anyway—all he wants to do is go home and sleep the irritation away.

Nudging Chanhee's calf with the front of his shoe, he points behind them to signalize what he's thinking. Thankfully Chanhee seems to catch on, and with a last glimpse, they back away.

"I can't believe you roped me into doing that," Chanhee complains later on, hand still clutching to the mostly empty coffee cup. Sunwoo side eyes it, carefully thinking through his next action. Does he feel like a daredevil today? Considering the fact that they've just been spying on their friends slash Sunwoo's mortal enemy, there's no point in backing out now.

Swiping the drink from Chanhee's grasp, he tips his head back and downs the rest of the coffee, pulling a face immediately after. As expected, Chanhee's choice of drink remains questionable, and not exactly fitting what Sunwoo would usually order, so _maybe_ stealing it wasn't his brightest idea, but, well, it's not like he can take it back now.

Nonchalantly throwing the empty cup into the nearest trash can, he acts as if he doesn't notice the other's glower, and hums—a low, drawn out tune.

"I wonder who the gift is for," he comments. At the moment, Chanhee only shrugs, and Sunwoo doesn't question it, letting the topic die down. Maybe it was a mistake from his part, but it's not like he would know… not yet.

❀

As it turns out, the next day, Sunwoo thinks: he should have known.

Physically, he's sitting by the desk in his room, perched on top of a well worn out armchair, kept simply out of sentiment and nothing else. It's not even that comfortable to rest on in the first place. Maybe he should replace it sometime soon, if it doesn't slip his mind.

Mentally, though, he's absent, staring off into space and pondering over the moment that his world has been forcefully turned upside down just a few hours ago.

He remembers it almost too perfectly, except for the most important details. He recalls the empty corridor, the coldness of the wall as he leaned against it just outside of the darkroom, lingering inside the building even after his last lecture ended. His eyes barely just got used to the lighting again and that's when the constant sound of rainfall outside got interrupted by footsteps.

Sunwoo wasn't expecting to meet anyone after classes ended, but out of all people, the sight of Changmin striding over, hands carefully held behind his back paired with a wide smile was the last thing he'd thought he would see that day.

That smile—every time, without fail, it would make something stir inside his chest. He wonders why, this time, it didn't.

He wouldn't be able to recall the start of the conversation. All he remembers is the surge of anxiety and his poor attempts to hide it, standing straighter in hopes of appearing like he's not completely exhausted and on the verge of passing out. He'd panicked over his hair being tousled, but having no way of fixing it because Changmin was _right there_ , perfect as ever, and so, so overwhelming in his presence.

Changmin's greeting, his own shy response, it's all a blur to him—that is, until Changmin said something that bothers him to this moment.

"You seemed a bit down lately," he'd explained, finally extending his arms and showing off a small box he'd brought along. Sunwoo eyed it suspiciously, hopeful but not quite believing it's actually for him; but Changmin only moved it closer for Sunwoo to take. Something about Changmin's next words just… stuck with him.

"I hoped this would cheer you up a bit."

Now, he can't help but ponder— _has_ he been acting different, lately? Even though the empty box lays, forgotten, by the trash can after just barely missing the target, the figurine it contained stands on his desk, its eyes seeming to judge him. Objectively speaking, it's cute, yes, but for an inanimate project, it's got a pretty mocking gaze. That, or Sunwoo is just projecting. Maybe. He glares back at it anyway.

Now that he really thinks about it, though… he guesses that Changmin might be right. Kind of. It's not that he's been _down_ , not exactly, he's just been… a bit confused. There are a few things he's been positive of for years, that he's questioning now.

Take his feelings for Changmin, for instance—what he's called a crush for so long. And it's not that he wouldn't really call it that anymore, but he has to admit that something must have changed along the way. Like he's slowly getting over it, but not quite. He doesn't want to acknowledge it though: after enough time passes, one gets used to these feelings.

Crushing on Changmin is familiar; it's something he knows. The thought of this infatuation passing? That's new. That's scary. He doesn't want to leave his comfort zone, or at least… not yet.

So even though he sees the signs, he chooses to ignore them. Besides, that's when the realization settles in—he couldn't figure it out before, but now he can see, he's had his answer laid right in front of him.

His rivalry with Eric? It's all due to jealousy and his crush on Changmin. If he doesn't have that crush anymore, then what does it make them? They can't just go back to… whatever neutrality there was before it all began. Right? It couldn't be this easy. Even though Sunwoo knows he never had any logical reason to hate Eric's guts, it feels weird to think of him in any other way.

Though it feels a bit uncomfortable now, too.

Sunwoo really wishes he could disregard everything that's been happening lately, go back to their usual dynamic. To pathetically pining after someone unattainable, and to loathing Eric's guts. He'd always spent so much time around Changmin anyway—Sunwoo kind of just… assumed he had feelings for Changmin too. And that made them rivals. From Sunwoo's point of view.

Maybe if not for the figurine, despising Eric would still come so easy. But now that there's physical evidence that the gift the duo were looking for, that he knows for a fact Eric himself offered to help find, was for Sunwoo all along…? It doesn't make sense. Why would Eric, of all people, look for a gift for _Sunwoo_?

All of this is making his head hurt.

Sure, one could argue that it's a part of some cruel joke. If Eric bought it, then pretended to give it to him before making fun of him for falling for some prank—now, that wouldn't be that surprising, given their relationship. Except, if not for him and Chanhee snooping around yesterday, Sunwoo wouldn't even _know_ that Changmin didn't choose the gift all by himself. Was Eric going to keep it a secret? But why?

No matter how frustrating it is, once again, Sunwoo finds himself lost.

Frowning, he flicks the figurine, watching as it topples over and lies, pathetically, on top of the desk. But, for whatever reason, the sight makes him feel bad so he picks it up again, carefully placing it upright again, this time a bit further away. Mostly out of sight, just so it doesn't bother him, but still… there.

❀

The next time he sees Eric it's by accident. It's not even like they've never ran into each other before—it happens pretty often, actually—so Sunwoo doesn't get why he's so surprised when he spots the said boy entering the same grocery store that he's in.

It's an agonizingly hot day, the cool temperature inside the shop being a welcome change, but Sunwoo feels like he's suddenly thrown directly into the unforgiving sunlight again. He's so hyperaware of Eric's presence, and for what reason? The other didn't even notice him yet. It's ridiculous. For whatever reason, the fact bothers him, just the slightest bit.

Tearing his eyes away proves to be a challenge, yet he eventually succeeds. How hard could it be to ignore Eric? He's practically mastered the skill years ago, so there's no logical explanation as to why he would suddenly struggle to do it.

So, pushing his cart a few steps ahead, he glances down at his shopping list and hopes not to get distracted again. Which… admittedly, comes too easy even when he's shopping all by himself, and the awareness of Eric currently sharing the same space inside the store _doesn't_ help.

His tight grasp on the shopping list loosens with time as he lets his eyes wander, thinking how ironic it is that they meet again for the first time in a while, and in such a place, at that. If he's being honest, he kind of expected something to change; whatever that change might have been.

Though, interestingly, even though Sunwoo decided to keep his distance, he can't spot anything different about the way Eric's acting around him—their only interactions lately have been brief stares while passing each other by, and… frankly, nothing else.

How weird. It feels like Sunwoo hasn't seen Eric glare at him in a long time, as if the only reason they ever fought was Sunwoo striking first. Without the bait, Eric doesn't seem to want to start a fight, and the realization… baffles him.

It almost makes him think that this entire rivalry was only one sided, but that can't be true. Right?

Right.

He pauses. The paper slips from his fingers and it takes him a moment to notice, but when he does, he quickly crouches to pick it up. As he stands up, he can't help but look around, gaze almost instantly focusing on Eric once more; it's not often that he gets to see the other dressed this casually.

Scratch that, he's pretty sure he's never even seen that red hoodie before. Who wears a hoodie in this kind of weather? Paired with shorts, nonetheless.

There's no logic in his choice of outfit, but somehow, it still manages to look cute; objectively speaking, of course. Sunwoo would never find him cute, no. But he has to admit that there's something endearing in the way the strings are pulled almost comically tight around the hood, hiding everything but Eric's face. And these glasses he's wearing—they must be fake. Surely.

 _He looks like a nerd_ , passes through his mind, and even though usually that would be his cue to point and laugh, he doesn't really want to do so this time. Eric is just minding his own business. Maybe Sunwoo should too.

He doesn't even notice that he's quite obviously staring until Eric finally looks up, almost immediately meeting Sunwoo's eyes. He tilts his head and frowns at him, gaze questioning—flustered, Sunwoo looks away.

But _why_ is he flustered?

Huh.

Yeah, whatever that was about minding his own business? Nevermind. Eric is making him feel _things_ and he doesn't like that, so obviously the only course of action is going out of his way to inconvenience the other as well.

Making his way over, Sunwoo makes sure he doesn't walk too quickly, even going as far as to stop once or twice to appear like he's picking more food to buy—he doesn't want to look too suspicious and scare Eric off.

By the time he's standing just a step away from his target, he glances inside Eric's shopping cart. There's nothing really interesting, apart from some cereal and... oh, banana milk. Perfect.

He stays there, unmoving, waiting until Eric finally pays attention to him. It doesn't take too long; just as the younger turns around to put something new in his cart, he startles when he notices Sunwoo suddenly standing so close. Good.

Sunwoo blatantly reaches for the banana milk, keeping eye contact the entire time, then puts it into his own cart. It's hard to hold back a laugh as Eric silently eyes it, as if not quite believing what he's just done. For a few seconds, he doesn't really react, before in turn, he snatches Sunwoo's yogurt.

Damn.

Sunwoo hasn't thought this through.

At loss of words, he stares at Eric, lips parting just to close again. It must make him look hilarious, because the other guffaws, not even bothering to muffle the sound.

"Oh, how the turns have tabled," he comments, sounding _way_ too amused for Sunwoo's liking. Before he leaves, he pats Sunwoo's shoulder like that's a normal thing for—rivals? Friends? Enemies? Acquaintances?—to do, and Sunwoo just stays there for a moment, mourning his loss.

He doesn't buy any yogurt that day. But he _does_ buy banana milk.

❀

Sunwoo isn't really a party person. Not to say that he is, well, a non-partygoer; with the right people, it can be fun. With a crowd of strangers, it depends. Sometimes he can strike up a conversation and if he gets along with said stranger, that's nice—but it doesn't always work.

Just like now.

He's standing in the questionably small kitchen of the owner he only vaguely knows. He's not even sure why he's still here, anyway; he's lost interest in everything that's been happening a good twenty minutes ago. Leaning on the counter, he stares blankly at the suspiciously sticky floor—he doesn't even want to know what the stains could possibly be.

Every now and then, a few people would wander inside the kitchen, but none of them stay long enough to talk much. Honestly? Sunwoo's a bit glad for that. He's tired. Of what? He's not sure, the entire point of coming here was to destress, yet in the end, it doesn't really seem to work. All he knows is that, alone in this room, accompanied only by the muffled noise from outside, reality feels a bit altered.

Or maybe he just hasn't been sleeping enough lately.

Either or.

What hour is it? He couldn't check even if he wanted to. His phone died some time ago, so now he doesn't even have any way of distracting himself. He closes his eyes, opting to just breathe in slowly, then exhale. Repeat. If he tries hard enough, he can imagine being anywhere but here. In his own room. His bed. Warm. Comfortable. God, he really just needs that nap.

His short lived fantasy is interrupted when the door opens again, this time faster and louder from before, as it knocks into the closest chair. Why was it by the door in the first place? He didn't put it here. He didn't even notice it was there in the first place.

Nonplussed, Sunwoo watches as it wobbles, but fortunately doesn't fall over. The same couldn't be said about the person that stumbles into the room, though, only saving their face by catching the door handle again.

Sunwoo blinks.

It's Eric.

He… wasn't sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn't that. While, sure, Sunwoo maybe isn't _entirely_ sober anymore, technically speaking, he's far, far away from being wasted. All that he drank was only one can of beer. Grapefruit flavored—just because it tastes good—but if he's by himself, where's the fun in that? There's no point in drinking any more, so he's still closer to being fully sober than probably anyone here.

Eric, on the other hand? He, well, doesn't look too bright.

Sunwoo watches quietly as he lifts his hand, pointing straight at Sunwoo's chest. It brings back a memory, almost a whole year back, to that one and only moment when Sunwoo truly thought they would've beaten each other up.

He remembers digging his finger into Eric's chest, leaning down, right into his personal space with a snarl—at the time, he couldn't really figure out the emotion in Eric's eyes. When he thinks back to it now, he still can't fully recognize what it might've been.

Now, it feels like a role reversal. Except they're not fighting; at least he doesn't think so. Maybe Eric got smashed and came to kick his ass, for all that he knows.

Wouldn't that be funny.

Despite the questionable situation, there's one thing that Sunwoo is sure of—the look Eric's sending him, it's the same one as back then. Now, if only Sunwoo could recognize what it might mean.

Not moving an inch, Eric furrows his eyebrows, looking as if focusing on Sunwoo's face alone is a great feat—Sunwoo might have felt offended by that if not for Eric's current state—before he finally utters, "you."

Sunwoo blinks. Way to sound cryptic.

"Me…?"

Slowly, Eric nods. He looks so hilariously serious while he does so, and in any other setting, Sunwoo would laugh at the face he's making—but in this case, he only continues to blankly stare at the other, uncomfortably shifting his weight from one leg to another. What could Eric possibly want from him?

Silently, Eric drops his hand. With his eyebrows still drawn together, and his lower lip pursed, he stands in the middle of the kitchen, and Sunwoo briefly wonders if he didn't actually enter some alternate universe, because whatever is happening right now, it's not something he's even remotely familiar with.

After what feels like hours, Eric takes a step forward, then another, progressively getting closer to where Sunwoo is standing. Unstable on his feet, he sways slightly, then stops, as if regretting moving in the first place. Closing his eyes, he raises his hand back up, gesturing for Sunwoo to wait (as if he wasn't already doing that) but the action may have done more damage than anything, as the boy tips forward and then topples over. Sunwoo instinctively extends his arms, catching Eric right as he collides with Sunwoo's chest, and if not for the counter digging into his back, he's positive they'd both collapse.

Though, he's honestly not sure whether he'd prefer falling down over… this.

It's not that he straight up _loathes_ the position he's found himself in, but it is quite uncomfortable. He's never been this close to Eric, so this just… feels weird.

At first, Sunwoo isn't sure what to do. He kind of expects Eric to hiss and jump away the moment he realizes what's happening, but he doesn't even move.

Maybe he's stunned. Maybe his entire life is flashing before his eyes and his mind hasn't processed this yet. But then, now that Sunwoo thinks about it, Eric isn't sober—and that's the only side of Eric that he knows. How would he behave while drunk? Maybe he's a crybaby. Or maybe he's one of these cuddly ones—that would explain why he's still not moving away.

If not for that, then why _isn't_ he moving away?

"Oof," Eric mumbles, a couple seconds too late. Sunwoo almost snickers at that, but he's too confused—or maybe, perhaps, flustered—to actually do so.

He's still holding Eric, just in case, but for some reason, the boy only sways closer, resting his head on Sunwoo's shoulder. As if cuddling with your rivals is a normal thing to do. If they could still be classified as rivals. Sunwoo digresses.

So, one could say that he finds himself in a pretty unusual situation. Standing in the kitchen of some boring party, with a completely drunk Eric in his arms, who clings to him for… comfort, maybe. Who knows. Sunwoo definitely doesn't.

Maybe he really is in that alternate reality he mentioned earlier. It certainly feels like it.

He can't really ponder too much though, because Eric makes a garbled sound that's vaguely similar to Sunwoo's name, so he tilts his head to the side—but he can't see Eric's face, not like this, all it grants him is a mouthful of Eric's hair. Scrunching his nose at it, he hums; a wordless question. Fortunately, Eric seems to catch on.

"Let's stop," he mutters, his lips brushing Sunwoo's neck as he does so. Sunwoo doesn't even know why the action makes him shiver. He _doesn't_ want to know.

"Stop what?" he prompts, hesitantly raising one of his hands. Even though the odds that Eric would fall down again are small, he doesn't want to take any chances. Besides, Eric really seems out of it. He might hate the guy, yeah, but that doesn't mean he can't console him. Actually, that's the least he could do. So, with that in mind, he slowly rubs Eric's back, hoping it's somewhat comforting.

Eric sighs, his shoulders relaxing as he leans even further into Sunwoo, if that's even possible at this point. Sunwoo isn't sure what to think of his rival practically melting in his arms, but he blames it all on the amount of alcohol the other had consumed.

"Fighting over Changmin," Eric explains, pulling back a tiny bit but then changing his mind, leaning closer again. He noses at Sunwoo's neck, and Sunwoo's hand pauses for a second. It's all making him feel _some_ type of way—flustered in a way he's positive he's never felt around Eric before—which he tries to ignore (but fails miserably) so he keeps quiet, waiting for Eric to continue his thought, "I'm tired of this, Sunwoo. It's ridiculous. I don't even like him like that."

Sunwoo's eyebrows furrow, "what are you saying?" he huffs out. It doesn't make sense, not even a little bit, "of course you do, you've made it more than clear every time you saw him with me."

"I was wrong, okay? I assumed that I was into him for like a moment because I enjoy his presence, as a cherished _friend_ ," Eric slurs, raising his head to finally meet Sunwoo's eye, "and I've realized—he wasn't even the one I like, anyway."

Sunwoo blinks. He opens his mouth, but then closes it again, stunned speechless. Whatever Eric's talking about, it's all too weird for Sunwoo to understand. Eric is probably just spewing gibberish because he's drunk, he reasons, but… Sunwoo would be lying if he said he wasn't somewhat intrigued, "what?"

Eric pouts, peering up at Sunwoo with disappointment in his eyes, like he's frustrated with Sunwoo for not following the nonsense he's saying. Maybe he's more alike Chanhee than Sunwoo first thought—seems like they both mastered this _are you kidding me_ glare reserved for Sunwoo specifically. It would be impressive, if it wasn't directed at him.

"God, you're so stupid," Eric mutters, and even though Sunwoo barely makes it out, they've known each other for long enough for him to recognize when the other is insulting him, "who else would I like, other than Changmin?"

The question stuns him enough into pausing. He squints, trying to check if Eric is being serious, but the face he's making is frustrated enough to seem like it. So he tries to actually think it over.

Unfortunately, he comes up with nothing.

Yes, they have known each other for years now, but they were never close. Sunwoo doesn't actually know all of Eric's likes and dislikes, besides maybe the fact that he enjoys spending time with Changmin and Chanhee and he often calls Sunwoo _messy_ in such a tone that would imply it to be the worst insult one could get. Not that Sunwoo cared too much about it, anyway.

If Changmin is out of the question, then that only leaves Chanhee as their shared friend. But Sunwoo doesn't believe that Eric would like him, not like that; besides, even the idea of it feels wrong to him. He isn't sure why he hates it so much, but he doesn't want to see Eric with Chanhee together, as a couple, not now and not ever.

Maybe it's a bit childish of him, but he's going to ignore that fact.

"I don't know," he ends up stating, and Eric blinks at him a few times, like he's expecting him to say that he's just kidding. He isn't, though, and when the other seems to realize it, he just heaves out a sigh, finally taking a shaky step back.

It feels like he's said the wrong thing, especially when Eric looks at him with… such overflowing emotion, one that he can't quite place. It's mixed in with disappointment, maybe, and some annoyance, but at least he doesn't look like he's planning on decking Sunwoo any time soon, so maybe things are alright (in a way?) between them after all.

"You have the answer right in front of your nose, just so you know," Eric says. The words come out quiet, and barely comprehensible, at that, but Sunwoo still manages to catch them.

And no matter how much he wonders, he doesn't understand what the other meant by that at all.

❀

It's pouring, much to Sunwoo's dissatisfaction.

It's only by his luck that he would get caught in the middle of a rainfall with no umbrella. The moment he saw it coming, he'd slipped under the roof of a bus stop, even if he wasn't actually waiting for any bus in particular—it was just an attempt to stay dry under some shelter and wait the rain out.

And it was a great plan, one that would have probably worked out if not for the fact that it's been pouring for ten minutes now and it still doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon.

So, Sunwoo is cold, can't stop himself from shivering and he's definitely not as dry as he would like to be, not when the rain somehow managed to pelt at such an angle that it reaches his legs mid-calf. Not only are his shoes soaked, but his pants stick to his ankles in an uncomfortable manner and all he can do is back into the wall of his temporary shelter and hope that the downpour won't reach any further.

By the time another five minutes pass, the rain does get a bit weaker, but still not enough for him to simply leave the bus stop, not when he has a whole fifteen minute walk home ahead, so for once, he tries to be patient and wait until he can step out without getting absolutely drenched.

And it seems like luck really isn't on his side today, as two minutes later he hears a familiar voice go, "hey," and when he raises his head, he comes face to face with Eric, of all people. Of course he would end up running into the other like this—with the other staring at him with undeniable pity in his eyes, a pink umbrella in hand, and for an inanimate object, it sure feels like it's mocking Sunwoo. He tries very hard not to glare back.

Why is he holding back? Are they still rivals? Does Eric remember their conversation at the party? He was clearly out of it back then, so Sunwoo thinks it's fair that he has his doubts, but still, the least that he could do is act civil. So he sighs, dropping his gaze then dragging it back up to Eric.

"Hi," he mutters. He still ends up sounding… not very happy to meet Eric, but at least the other doesn't seem to mind.

He just tilts the umbrella slightly, then raises an eyebrow, "need any help?"

It takes Sunwoo a moment to process the words. He frowns, then eloquently replies, "huh?"

Eric gestures vaguely at him, eventually pointing at his soaked shoes. The color of his umbrella is so bright, compared to the world that looks almost grey in the rain, and it almost hurts Sunwoo to look at it, "you've been standing here for the past three minutes. Or more than that, for all I know," with that, Eric shrugs. It's probably better that he doesn't know how much time has actually passed since Sunwoo hid here.

It's his turn to quirk an eyebrow, "so what, you're offering to walk me home?"

Now, it's clearly a joke. He expects Eric to scoff, maybe to laugh it off, but what he doesn't expect is for the other to keep looking at him with a straight face before nodding, "that's exactly what I'm saying, yeah."

At that very moment, it feels like the entire universe shifts a little to the left. Or maybe Sunwoo's just being dramatic, but his mind goes completely blank and he isn't even sure what to think, much less what to _say_.

If someone were to tell him a month ago that Eric, out of literally anyone, would offer to accompany him all the way back to his home while using the downpour as an excuse, he wouldn't have believed it in the slightest. But things have changed a bit, haven't they? Maybe Eric remembers far more of their conversation than Sunwoo first gave him credit for.

In the end, he doesn't say anything at all. But Eric seems to take his silence as a _yes_ , as he rolls his eyes though he does so with a small smile—since when does Eric smile because of Sunwoo?—and he reaches out to grab Sunwoo's wrist, effectively pulling him forward.

That boy may be short, but he's strong; it's almost embarrassing, the fact that Sunwoo barely avoids barreling right into him. Now, wouldn't that be hilarious—if the two of them fell to the ground, if that stupid pink umbrella went flying and they'd both end up drenched. Usually, Sunwoo would find such a mental image quite funny, but this time, he can't really bring himself to laugh.

Maybe he's a bit too nervous to.

Eric lets go of his hand, and it drops to hang uselessly by his side. He's not even sure why he feels so self-conscious all of sudden, but he brings his arms up anyway, crossing them over his chest in hopes of appearing mildly annoyed—while, in reality, it's just to maintain at least _some_ body warmth.

Then, Eric makes some unnecessarily grand gesture (while still carefully holding up the umbrella above their heads) and says, "lead the way."

Sunwoo scowls, but does as he's told anyway. Maybe he's actually warming up to the guy.

It's a weird thought. He'd never even imagine that he would somehow end up acting all friendly—well, perhaps _friendly_ is a bit too strong of a word—with Eric, the one person that for years he had thought he couldn't stand.

But the thing is, after everything that happened between them, he has to finally admit it—their rivalry was entirely baseless from the very beginning. They treated each other like shit for the hell of it, and at this point, Sunwoo's pretty sure that this entire time, Eric was only fighting back. If Sunwoo didn't start a fight, there would be no hostile reaction.

And after years of nonsensical conflict, perhaps they both have grown tired of it. Sunwoo certainly did, even if he huffs and mutters, "for your information, I still hate you," just to keep up appearances.

The look that Eric sends him isn't convinced in the slightest, "sure you do."

The question is, if Sunwoo doesn't detest Eric anymore—then _what_ does he feel towards him?

❀

It's a question that haunts him for the rest of the week.

He thinks of it when they get to his house and Eric bids him goodbye; at that moment, he wasn't sure what to do, how to respond, so he ended up only waving at the other before closing the door after himself. It's almost like his brain stopped working around that guy; it doesn't even make sense, but everything about their relationship—rivalry? Friendship? Something in between, or maybe something entirely out of this scale, something undefined?—really, everything about it is confusing to him nowadays.

He thinks of it when he wakes up the next day, following the rising sun in under a few minutes; he'd made himself breakfast, though he barely even tasted it in the end. This whole thing, being stuck in uncertainty like this can't be healthy, not when he can't focus on anything else. He wants to go back to how things were, back when he'd considered Eric as some mortal enemy instead of this… this overwhelming presence in his mind, yet at the same time?

Even though he doesn't want to admit it, even though for years he tried his best to stay in his comfort zone, these new feelings, there's something almost thrilling about them—like for the first time he can be true to himself, like he doesn't have to hide behind the shield of denial.

For now, yes, he's lost, but he won't be lost forever; if only he finds the courage to talk to Eric again, that would clear things up, maybe open up new opportunities for the both of them, a reality in which they don't try to ruin each other's day at any given chance anymore.

That courage takes days to find, though, so he spends the whole week _thinking about it_.

Until it brings him to this very moment.

At eight in the evening, in the kitchen, standing by the window. Looking out at the lively street, with his phone in hand, he weighs the up and downs of calling Eric right now. He's had the other's number for years now, doesn't even remember how he ended up acquiring it, and he dearly hopes that Eric didn't change it since then, otherwise this whole moment of doubt would be for nothing.

He stands there for what could be minutes, could be half an hour. The sun glares at him from the sky, but he doesn't turn his gaze from the street, as if avoiding looking at his phone would somehow make it disappear.

It's hot outside, but that's not the reason why his palms are clammy; heaving out a breath, he thinks, this is it. He's going to do it, and he'll get the answers to all the questions he has for Eric. He'll make things right between them, and finally, finally he'll stop overthinking everything so much.

His hand shakes slightly as he finally looks at the screen, scrolls through his contacts. Eric's number is titled as just his name, nothing more and nothing less. He'd always felt that changing the title to anything else would make it look as if he actually cared about the other—but then, that was only his denial talking, wasn't it? Turns out, he cares a whole lot.

So he calls Eric, and then he waits.

It takes two rings for Eric to pick up the phone. Sunwoo honestly expected him to sound confused, to ask why Sunwoo's suddenly reaching out to him, but the boy doesn't do any of it. He picks up the phone with a huff that sounds surprisingly amused before he speaks, a simple, "hello?"

A beat passes, Sunwoo isn't sure what to say. He didn't think he'd even get this far, so he clears his throat, fidgets with his shirt. Leaning back enough that the window sill digs into his back, he finally ends up saying, "hey, uh, can we talk?"

❀

"Didn't take you for a swings kind of guy."

It's almost embarrassing how fast Sunwoo raises his head at the sound of Eric's voice.

Meeting in the nearest playground seemed like a good idea when Sunwoo first came up with it, but now that he's been sitting on the tiny swing for the past five minutes, he finds that it's not as comfortable as it used to be back when they were kids. He grips the chain just the slightest bit tighter as he meets Eric's gaze; it feels like his entire chest gets swallowed by flames.

Eric stands a couple steps before him, but he doesn't move any closer. Sunwoo could get up, but he doesn't see why he would do it in the first place. They aren't exactly _close_ , so why would they stay at such a proximity?

Despite that, Eric smiles; it's small, and he seems a bit tired. Sunwoo's so used to seeing him all energetic that the sight of Eric with eye bags feels wrong, somehow.

"I always thought you'd be that kid that plays on the merry-go-round," Eric continues; it's probably some attempt at making Sunwoo feel less tense. Surprisingly, it works, even if only by a bit.

He smiles back; it's not a very wild smile either, but it's genuine. He doesn't recall ever doing so in relation to Eric. It feels a bit weird to act friendly towards him, now.

Shrugging, he replies, "well, what can I say, swings are fun."

"Can't argue with that," Eric says, and silence falls between them.

It's awkward. Sunwoo's aware that it's probably his fault, because he's never even tried to make things better between them, and now they don't even know how to act around each other.

He'd thought that Eric didn't have as much of a problem with that, but he's proven wrong when the other doesn't speak up, only drops his gaze and rubs at his neck. There's a spark of color that fills Eric's cheeks, but Sunwoo barely even sees it in such a distance.

Seems like Sunwoo has to take the matter into his own hands.

"Listen," he starts, effectively catching Eric's attention, "I… I know that things are a bit, um, weird between us now, but I just wanted to apologize, for… for all these years."

The other parts his lips, as if he's planning to cut in, but Sunwoo raises a hand and continues to speak, "I'm sorry for being such an asshole, okay? I don't even remember anymore why this whole thing started—you don't deserve this, and neither do I. I get it if you don't want to, like, befriend me now, or anything like that, I mean, we were never friends, and," he drifts off, taking a steadying breath.

"I know that I've said some things throughout the years that shouldn't have been said, and if you hate me, that's alright. I don't expect you to, like, forgive me. I just hope that we can get along enough so we won't fight from this point on," as he spoke, he'd avoided Eric's gaze, but now he looks up, hoping that it'll show how genuine he is—his breath catches in his throat when he notices that the other had stepped closer, though. The distance between them is just that of an arm's reach, and for the life of him, he can't read Eric's gaze.

Not that he ever could. They were never close enough to learn how to read each other like a book.

"I don't hate you, Sunwoo," Eric says; he does so with a smile that looks sad, somehow, and he shakes his head slowly, opening and closing his mouth as he looks for something to say.

Sunwoo's still stuck on those words, though. He almost doesn't believe his ears, but then Eric adds in, "you know, you weren't the only one here who acted like an asshole. Rivalry only exists if it's mutual, doesn't it?"

Sunwoo's eyebrows furrow. He isn't sure what Eric is getting at, but for now, the least that he can do is listen.

"You lashed out, so I reacted. You said some hurtful stuff and I bit back. I acted just as mean as you did," he goes on; Eric isn't looking at him, not anymore, it's almost like he's not even entirely there, staring into space, "and, you know, it's stupid, but I've always liked you more than I should. You probably don't remember this, but you helped me once, while we were kids, before this whole thing started. After that, I always felt that there's more to you than glares and harsh words; and I just thought, if that was the only type of interaction with you that I could get, then I'd take it. You know?"

Eric laughs, though it sounds unnaturally hollow. He still won't look Sunwoo in the eye, "I guess that was a bit selfish of me, but I wanted to be close to you, in any way possible. And it's probably fucking stupid of me, but I still do. I don't hate you. On the contrary, I might have feelings for you, even if it's just this… dumb, irrational crush."

With that, Eric takes a step closer, then crouches in front of Sunwoo, so that they would end up on the same eye level. The action alone makes Sunwoo's heart go absolutely haywire, before he even completely understands what Eric is saying.

He wanted answers, but he never thought that they would be this overwhelming. Knowing Eric's perspective, now, it feels like his entire world has been flipped upside down; he isn't even sure what to think.

At least, it seems like he doesn't really need to, because Eric chimes up again, "but that's in the past now. We can start from the very beginning, right? Tune down on the rivalry, get to know each other better, maybe even go on a few dates, or something—if you'd want, that is, I don't want to pressure you into doing this, alright?"

Currently, Sunwoo's rendered speechless, so the only thing he can do is nod. But at least it seems to be enough for Eric, as he reaches out, extending his pinky for Sunwoo, "so, promise to start over?"

It's such a childish thing to do, a pinky promise in the middle of a playground, but for some reason, when it comes to the two of them, it feels right.

So, he links their pinkies, and can't stop himself from smiling like a fool when he replies, "promise."

❀

("You're dating Eric? Finally, took you long enough," is Chanhee's reaction when he finally tells him two weeks later. It's underwhelming, considering how much distress Sunwoo had been through before they finally got their shit together, and he almost voices that thought but then Chanhee adds, "so you won't try to flirt with my boyfriend anymore, right?"

"Changmin is your _what_?!")

**Author's Note:**

> not so fun fact? the very first idea for this was a ventfic about comphet and accepting your identity + struggling with fake and real crushes. obviously, i scratched that idea halfway through, since changmin's character is, well, a dude, but i think that would give you some insight on why sunwoo was so scared to let go of this "crush" on him in this fic.   
>  anyway, i'm rambling, so i'll stop now. if you got this far, i hope that you enjoyed this fic !!
> 
> also, here's my [twt](https://twitter.com/ddonibell) !


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